[There's no written response to her first comment, but the next day when she comes to Haven, she'll find his medical license in a frame, all but cemented to the wall behind the reception desk. The glass looks to be quite thick.
He might have used what remained on the credit card he'd received at the festival for that item.]
He shape-shifts, does he not? You could tell him to be a dog for a time.
[He's teasing. Mostly.]
If you'd like to provide me with an ingredients list and their properties for your cure, I should be happy to aid in the investigation.
Oh, no, I can't do something like that. You don't understand. He's made jokes about being my hound before, Jonathan, and it's a been more charged than you think it might be.
[ Jonathan likely doesn't understand that part of her relationship with Ereuvir. If she asked, he'd hunt for her. She suspects...no, she knows he would kill for her. The amount of power she has with Ereuvir is a terrifying and dangerous thing. Their entire experience together at the Fort only makes that clearer to her. Ereuvir is a god, one who has now made it clear in no uncertain terms that he will never, ever let her go.
Not that she wants him to, nor has she asked or considered it.
But the hound comment would likely make him laugh, even if it might never be literal. She can be a wolf for him, too, could sink her teeth in anyone he might ask her to. Him and Jonathan both. Ereuvir knows but Jonathan cannot begin to fathom the lengths she'd go to for either of them. Or maybe he knows but can't properly qualify it.
She hopes he doesn't have to find out the hard way. ]
I'd like to go over it first, please, and work on a list and see what might be needed. I received notes and would like to revise what I have before I proceed.
[ Yep, that's Neria obviously stalling and trying to nudge all help out of the picture. Again. ]
[Jonathan has an inkling. That business during the trial had not been entirely without use. That first trial, when he'd been shaken, shying, uncertain. And Neria? He's really not certain if Neria's behavior was so much less her... or more. Certainly, he doesn't think she'd ever act in such a manner naturally, but she hadn't acted entirely unlike herself, either, if she were to simply give herself license to take what she wanted.
Her polite refusal troubles him. He knows she'd batted away his help after he'd admitted to her that their connection made her ever more enticing. But this feels different. It's not even learning anything about her, but the Taint itself. He doesn't think that would do anything. There are small taps at the side of the page to signify his thinking before he responds to her.]
I will be available immediately upon your request, Neria. I'll check in with you about this next Monday.
[He's setting a firm deadline on her stalling. Maybe it's rude, but he's not going to let her permanently put him off.]
[ It...irritates her, frankly. In fact, it nettles at her for the days following, that Jonathan has put a deadline on her decision to allow him to aid her. It's not his work; it's not his to decide on any more than it is Ivy's, who is also pushing her to relent and to allow her support. She shouldn't be so frustrated; she should let them help. She knows that. She does know that.
The truth is that she isn't afraid of Jonathan finding her blood more alluring. She isn't afraid he'll lose control if he knows more. Maybe what truly troubles her is the thought that without the corruption, she will have no more excuses, no more veils to cover what is truly monstrous within her. It was never about what she was physically becoming; it had always been about the darkness, the selfishness, within her own heart. And if she finds a cure, then they'll have to realize that she'd never had any intention of taking it.
There is no justice in a simple cure, not for someone who has done so much wrong.
So she spends her time looking over the notes on her own, looking through the list of potential ingredients. She doesn't sabotage her work but she also certainly doesn't leap at the chance to expose everything: the long nights she's stayed after to work on things, or the blood she's taken from herself. The things she's had to do to isolate the Taint. She's kept Jonathan at arms' length with this work and only recently allowed Ivy to help. Until now, it's really just been her project.
It feels like she's hollowing herself out, being too vulnerable, to allow either of them - or anyone - so close. But she makes her decision before the deadline, several days later, writing back: ]
We can begin when you and Ivy are ready. If we succeed, everything will change, so much more than you can know or understand right now. But you - neither of you - will not stop me from doing what is necessary, no matter the cost.
If you do, I will take my work elsewhere, and neither of you will touch it again.
[Doing what is necessary? That sounds rather ominous when it comes to the development of a cure. Unless she's thinking of what happened with Ivy and her efforts to find a cure for her own situation.]
When have I ever stood against you, Neria? We are partners. I will help you do what is necessary. And Ivy and I will be ready to manage things if something should go awry.
Change is not necessarily a bad thing. Jester's god favors it, you know? Perhaps this will count for my weekly mischief.
[It's an effort to lighten the tone of the conversation to an extent.]
[ She supposes one of them needs to be the hopeful party here. Jonathan either is being deliberately obtuse or he's being naive, and if it's the latter, then she doesn't have the heart to tell him how he's very, very wrong in some respects. While they stand a suitably large chance to cure the Taint and prevent her Calling, and Anders', it doesn't mean that there isn't a suitable risk that she might simply speed up the process.
Or make it worse. ]
No, it's not necessarily a bad thing. But this is complicated.
[ It means putting more of herself out there on the table. It means showing her notes and being honest with what she's been doing to herself. And it means that Jonathan is just as likely to stop her from her more direct paths of experimentation. ]
I know you've never stood against me. [ That doesn't mean he won't. ] I'm glad we're partners, Jonathan. And I appreciate all that you're willing to do to help me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-07-06 11:20 pm (UTC)From:He might have used what remained on the credit card he'd received at the festival for that item.]
He shape-shifts, does he not? You could tell him to be a dog for a time.
[He's teasing. Mostly.]
If you'd like to provide me with an ingredients list and their properties for your cure, I should be happy to aid in the investigation.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-07 03:42 am (UTC)From:[ Jonathan likely doesn't understand that part of her relationship with Ereuvir. If she asked, he'd hunt for her. She suspects...no, she knows he would kill for her. The amount of power she has with Ereuvir is a terrifying and dangerous thing. Their entire experience together at the Fort only makes that clearer to her. Ereuvir is a god, one who has now made it clear in no uncertain terms that he will never, ever let her go.
Not that she wants him to, nor has she asked or considered it.
But the hound comment would likely make him laugh, even if it might never be literal. She can be a wolf for him, too, could sink her teeth in anyone he might ask her to. Him and Jonathan both. Ereuvir knows but Jonathan cannot begin to fathom the lengths she'd go to for either of them. Or maybe he knows but can't properly qualify it.
She hopes he doesn't have to find out the hard way. ]
I'd like to go over it first, please, and work on a list and see what might be needed. I received notes and would like to revise what I have before I proceed.
[ Yep, that's Neria obviously stalling and trying to nudge all help out of the picture. Again. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-07-09 03:55 am (UTC)From:Her polite refusal troubles him. He knows she'd batted away his help after he'd admitted to her that their connection made her ever more enticing. But this feels different. It's not even learning anything about her, but the Taint itself. He doesn't think that would do anything. There are small taps at the side of the page to signify his thinking before he responds to her.]
I will be available immediately upon your request, Neria. I'll check in with you about this next Monday.
[He's setting a firm deadline on her stalling. Maybe it's rude, but he's not going to let her permanently put him off.]
no subject
Date: 2019-07-09 04:22 am (UTC)From:The truth is that she isn't afraid of Jonathan finding her blood more alluring. She isn't afraid he'll lose control if he knows more. Maybe what truly troubles her is the thought that without the corruption, she will have no more excuses, no more veils to cover what is truly monstrous within her. It was never about what she was physically becoming; it had always been about the darkness, the selfishness, within her own heart. And if she finds a cure, then they'll have to realize that she'd never had any intention of taking it.
There is no justice in a simple cure, not for someone who has done so much wrong.
So she spends her time looking over the notes on her own, looking through the list of potential ingredients. She doesn't sabotage her work but she also certainly doesn't leap at the chance to expose everything: the long nights she's stayed after to work on things, or the blood she's taken from herself. The things she's had to do to isolate the Taint. She's kept Jonathan at arms' length with this work and only recently allowed Ivy to help. Until now, it's really just been her project.
It feels like she's hollowing herself out, being too vulnerable, to allow either of them - or anyone - so close. But she makes her decision before the deadline, several days later, writing back: ]
We can begin when you and Ivy are ready. If we succeed, everything will change, so much more than you can know or understand right now. But you - neither of you - will not stop me from doing what is necessary, no matter the cost.
If you do, I will take my work elsewhere, and neither of you will touch it again.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-14 02:10 am (UTC)From:When have I ever stood against you, Neria? We are partners. I will help you do what is necessary. And Ivy and I will be ready to manage things if something should go awry.
Change is not necessarily a bad thing. Jester's god favors it, you know? Perhaps this will count for my weekly mischief.
[It's an effort to lighten the tone of the conversation to an extent.]
no subject
Date: 2019-07-15 03:28 pm (UTC)From:Or make it worse. ]
No, it's not necessarily a bad thing. But this is complicated.
[ It means putting more of herself out there on the table. It means showing her notes and being honest with what she's been doing to herself. And it means that Jonathan is just as likely to stop her from her more direct paths of experimentation. ]
I know you've never stood against me. [ That doesn't mean he won't. ] I'm glad we're partners, Jonathan. And I appreciate all that you're willing to do to help me.
We'll start next week, if time allots.