Do you believe her to truly be naive enough that she does not understand the ramifications of what has happened?
If she wants to leave him, I'll put her up myself somewhere. Plenty of people have been looking to partner with others, including Leonardo and Prompto. Both would be better partners to her than AM is. She has options. If she truly does not feel safe with AM and wishes to leave due to abuse, she can meet with the lawyers who can help bring her case. She has options that aren't Haven and aren't you. And won't compromise sensitive information.
Oh, did he? I must have missed him. I really wish I knew more people who were technologically inclined. I've ushered in more than enough people who are from worlds without the appliances we use now, and I am the biggest offender of such.
[ Thedas, after all, didn't have showers or water filters or security systems, nothing to be found even resembling such. ]
And I think Hotel Falsity would be an excellent place to secure for an evening for procedures. We can probably allocate funds to pay for a room should someone wish to meet someone there; I hadn't thought of that before now. Though I imagine such a meeting place would be rife with rather ulterior tones.
A shame we cannot have a more collaborative meeting teaching the nuance of subtext and subtlety to the people who could use some of it. I fear that they are the most vulnerable to exploitation from LIES, to be used either against them or others.
Likely, that is the point.
More likely, LIES is hoping we will splinter and turn against one another. Eat from our own and never be a cohesive force.
[ There are pen marks here too, two small circles, where clearly Neria was agitated and had likely wanted to elaborate further and chose against doing so. ]
I believe she is naive enough not to think him so villainous as he truly is because of her own experiences. He apparently reminds her of his creator.
I don't know if she will leave him, is part of the problem. She's likely seen the worst of him. I don't understand why she stays with him when I've offered to help her find someone else. Perhaps the first time was a misjudgment, but to renew her contract is insanity unless he threatened her, perhaps.
There was one device I found in the reception area. It doesn't appear to be anything like the one I found in Mr. Tepes. It was some sort of speaker, I think? I destroyed it, but we should have the security team make daily sweeps in case whoever planted it decides they want to try again.
I'll see if I can round up those who want checked and organize something like that with Dr. Devorak and the others who might be able to help.
I cannot see any other way for out group to go, though, Neria. Truthfully. At least in some respects. There are people here who are demonstrably evil. And there are those who are selfish enough to work only for their own personal ends. Splintering will have to happen. Hopefully it will only be a few stray people here and there, but we must be prepared for a time when some of the people in this program begin to more actively work against us.
If she has seen the worst of him, then she is staying because she has chosen to. If she has been given ample opportunity to escape and there are people willing to take her - and people willing to keep him held in check - then I do not understand her reasoning.
But in the end, Jonathan, Hiling's trouble is not yours to take on. It is hers to deal with. If her presence is going to threaten our work, she can be served outside of Haven. And, again, not necessarily by you.
I'll speak with Jester and Cullen. I'd like Zexion to keep an eye on such things as well. His prowess and strengths lend themselves to find hidden things obscured from view.
There will always be people on the outskirts who will be trouble. We will need to identify and keep an eye on them one way or another. And I agree with you; we must be vigilant and prepare ourselves should the worst happen. Whatever it takes, we must protect the people of this city until we find a way to free ourselves, however that may be.
That is why I am working with Will and why I have chosen to stay working with them in particular. Ignacio, Rafa, and Cable are also remaining to work on this endeavor. I will be able to see who is angling for power and influence, and see what I can do to ensure their efforts remain altruistic towards the people. If they are not, I shall rectify that.
[He thinks about some of the people he's met in his travels.]
I have seen women stay with men who mistreat them either out of a twisted sense of love and devotion, fear, or some combination of the two. It is unhealthy and there is little rationality behind it. I do not know that that is necessarily the case with Ms. Care as that is an area outside my own expertise, but it is one possibility for the situation.
[And the one that's most generous to Hiling and her motives. Although, the way she'd been talking about humans... perhaps he shouldn't be so generous.]
There was a moment with her that was a bit strange, though. It was when we were working on the antidote. She came to help, and I was attempting to distract her from some discomfort with conversation. She said something about humans being unable to see past their own short lifespans and do as they're told. I don't know if that's her or more of AM's influence on her.
I don't mind tending to her, honestly. She can be very forceful in her affections. That's not something I particularly want to inflict on anyone else, either.
I did see the results of your efforts with Mr. Graham and the others. I cannot say I feel particularly warm towards Rafa's digs at every other method. It is certainly a useful front for LIEs, but with him, I know it is not only a front. His barbs are more irritating, not least because I do find him an agreeable man, otherwise. Perhaps another vessel to deliver the results of your next effort? You may have seen the message agitated several in our community. There will, of course, be friction between those who prefer slow and steady and those who wish to take a faster way, but there are more diplomatic ways to approach that divide, I imagine. But I'll leave that to the diplomats. I'm afraid I don't have the patience for it all. I'm glad you're there, though. It gives me peace of mind.
If she would like support, she can speak to Ivy or myself, especially in regards to dealing with AM. But I trust your judgment.
Rafa has his opinions. He isn't wrong in some measures. I do know that our work rankled people in the community and I suspect it will continue to do so for some time. It's a shame but this is the tightrope we will need to walk. I do not anticipate that our efforts will be welcomed or accepted until we produce real results. Until then, I will do what I can. I'm sorry that I cannot promise more.
[ There is a small ink stain here where it is clear Neria contemplated several times whether she wanted to continue or if she wanted to leave it there. But considering this message has taken a few days to come back to Jonathan, it can be said that some thing has been weighing on her mind.
Or she's been busy. Either way-- ]
Forgive me, this might sound existential in nature. But what do you think we're doing here, Jonathan?
I know what LIES tells us. The experiment. In September, I will have been here a year. They say it takes a year for these results to come in but there has been no indication if this means I will be released from the program or sent home. I've given up hope of such a thing. But so then I have to wonder...what are we doing here? Are we here to stay, to live? Are we meant to succumb to this darkness they want us to surrender to?
[He'll have to deal with the matter of Hiling at some point, but that may be at some point in the future. Well into it.
Likewise, Rafa is becoming a bit of a thorn for Jonathan. He still values the man and considers him polite company when compared do any number of other vampires. He lets those matters lie in the conversation, focusing on the rest of her message.]
By LIEs' and the government's estimation, I expect that they would like us to stay, integrate into this society and act as full natives to it, serving as some docile example populations to new people brought in that life in Duplicity is clearly one that they can come to accept and enjoy.
I do not believe that they will willingly send us home. I have my doubts that those who disappear from this place are being sent back. More likely they've been selected for even more heinous experimentation. That may explain why different versions of the same person may appear, such as Dr. Devorak. Or perhaps his memory of his time here was altered or removed.
I do not personally believe that is all that might be left for us, though. We are attempting to find a way out. We are working to change this place to better suit not only our needs, but those of the native Submissives. I believe, ultimately, those of us who persevere, will find a way to escape to our own worlds and will leave Duplicity a far better place than we found it. Whether through legislation, revolution, or some combination of the two.
You will forgive me such an optimistic viewpoint, my friend, but I've no intention of simply embracing whatever foul things they wish us to. We are stronger than that. And I have faith that you and I, along with many others have the mettle to prove that to them time and time again, even if their magics or science affect us so terribly. That is not us, it is what they do to us, after all. It is well to remember that, Neria.
[ That part is crossed out. Neria continues from there. ]
Yes, I believe they will not send us home. They might not even know how. More likely, they will choose not to. They'll continue to study us for the rest of our lives here in Duplicity to see how we adapt. But they have no intention of trying to help us. That much is obvious. And I agree that those who have come and gone are likely still here and being held.
[ The thought is troubling. There is another set of marks on the page, where she has been tapping the pen into the paper, likely in agitation. ]
I know that what you say is true. And I know that what they do to us is their fault; it is what they put upon us. But I do think we each have a predisposition for darkness. What we do with it, however, is our choice. I hope that the people in this city are as hopeful and as strong as you are, Jonathan, that they do not succumb to the knell.
I believe you are right about revolution. I guarantee you there will be one in September when the first of our group has finished their time here, when we are at the end of our usefulness. Then, we will know how this will unfold going forward.
[Jonathan tries to work out what she might have been thinking in that first line. Did they have a conversation about this before? Perhaps? He can't recall anything recent and specific, though. Perhaps she's thinking of something that happened at Fort Harmony? Jonathan isn't going to press on that point. Probably best to let her get back to it.]
I think some are more pre-disposed toward a certain sort of darkness. Certainly, the heart cannot be something of pure light. They want to draw those specific darknesses out of us. Do you remember the doppelgangers? The ones on that camera site? We were made to say what they considered our worst trait to be. And again, those injections at Fort Harmony. Even past the hunt and the chase, they changed us. I was arrogant, I think. Overly so.
I value my own mind and I know I can be very confident. LIEs seems to want to twist us to bring to the fore all the worst parts of such things. Confidence and manners might be seen by some as hubris if pressed beyond my personal boundaries.
Do you see them doing something with that beyond their current experiments? I simply cannot see what it might be.
The first batch of people who arrived were given bracelets. Our worst trait was displayed upon them in bright, red letters, and it flashed at us. If you did not remove your bracelet, that trait heightened, became worse. And those who refused even then to get it removed were treated like kings and queens during Tumenalia. And that's always what it's been about: reveling in the darkest parts of ourselves, dancing to the tune LIEs plays.
Because when we're being destructive towards our own ends, we get things like Fort Harmony.
[ And it will continue like that, she thinks. Right now, LIEs has made it clear that they wield more power and the ability to cut them off from their magics, to change them fundamentally. To reduce a vampire to human, to expose someone's monstrous pieces, or to bring a god to his knees.
It still burns her inside. ]
Your doppleganger was very arrogant. He prided himself as being untouchable, being master of himself. If you took even that and heightened it...
[ She loves Jonathan dearly but that sort of person would be spiteful, unkind, lacking all of the warmth that he has. ]
I don't know. I wish I knew what this Deceit gene specifically did, what they're hoping to accomplish by finding someone without it. As it stands, it wouldn't be completely far-fetched if all they're looking to do with us is see how we behave and change us as they see fit. It's a poor excuse for an experiment.
Perhaps at the end of our year, no matter that they say we'll be 'released' from the program, they might add more stipulations.
Worse, I sometimes fear that we are constructs just as our dopplegangers were. That we are easy to break and reshape to their needs. Scrub our minds of memories and send us back out here again and again, see if we'll repeat our mistakes or do something else. That's what Asra feared, months ago. I cannot say I do not harbor the same thoughts.
[It's that last part that most captures Jonathan's attention.]
What evidence do you have for this construct theory? Simply that they're able to control us so readily? I would attribute that to magic or some science, truly, before I assumed we were not ourselves. How might that even work? We all come through that portal.
I should be more concerned that the general populace are constructs with how easily they can be vanished away. I spoke with Zexion about such things in his world and he thought that it might be possible with a large group of mages, but even that would be a challenge.
[ Both Asra and Cehd'ra are gone now. Only she knows this information. If something happens to her... Jonathan should know. ]
Do we all come through that portal? What if we came elsewhere? What if they created us from the memories of who we were before? What if everything about us is made up?
Asra, Cehd'ra, and I... We chased Cehd'ra's doppleganger. Found him in an old warehouse. He felt everything Cehd'ra did, had all of his memories, knew everything. Craved all of the wants and desires he felt. He wept, believing he would be alone, that we would walk away and leave him in that horrible room where people watched him like he was some kind of object. Or some kind of whore.
I touched your doppleganger, Jonathan. I struck at him and Rip's. I encountered my own. They were living, breathing things. They have been appearing every time someone new comes. How can LIEs do that? How can they make such perfect copies if we, ourselves, were not also copies of someone who might exist elsewhere?
And Zexion is right; such a thing is nearly impossible. I worry that the people here are not real either. But we've seen them die. We've seen many people die, have killed them ourselves at the Fort. So I don't know what the explanation is. I worry that the answer will find will be worse than I imagine.
If everything about us is made up, there are remarkably rich imaginations at work creating us from all different worlds that bear little to no resemblance to this one. I realize authors and the like exist, but I find it hard to believe that LIEs would have the resources or capacity to make people whole-cloth.
Remember also that the man you touched vanished with only a word. Some of them might have been killed and are copies, but there must be some magic at work where they are concerned. A confusion of the senses? Why else would a single word be enough to remove them? They may be like the natives here, but even that I would question. I know I said they might be constructs, but we've treated these people, Neria. We've looked inside of them, stitched them up. Whatever they are, I believe they're real.
The doppelgangers? I'm still uncertain. Perhaps if we could conduct and autopsy on one of them, compare them to the person they're meant to represent, that would provide us with more information to determine if they are real or not.
Perhaps not everything. It's possible that if we are not the originals of who we are, then they still might be trapped by LIEs. Or perhaps they truly have such magic and technology that allows them to make copies of us immediately upon arrival. I'm not certain what would be more or less far-fetched, truth be told.
But I know your doppleganger bled, as did Rip's. I felt something there when I used magic on him. So perhaps we're only perceiving them as ourselves? Some sort of illusion work, maybe, but that doesn't explain how they react.
[ More pen tapping marks. Someone was thinking rather hard about the suggestion. ]
[There's a long pause in the conversation between them as Jonathan is gone away to SLUT for three days.]
An idea I would be willing to consider and explore with you, Neria. I'm a surgeon. Surgery and autopsy are within my particular purview. I only wish I had not disappeared my own doppelganger.
How are you? The staff told me you were working far more over the past few days. Staying far too late at Haven. I hope my absence did not disrupt the rotation to such a degree. My apologies if it did.
You can tear open mine when I kill her, if you wish.
[ That's...it. That's all that's on the page. It's such a deliberate, singular statement that it comes across rather abruptly and almost cold. And dramatic.
On the following page, she continues to answer his questions. ]
It was no trouble, Jonathan. I stayed here to look after our workers here. Our family. That's my duty as an administrator and simply who I am. It didn't upset me to be here; it didn't disrupt my schedule. I have quite a bit of paid time off accrued.
I'm fine. I was worried - and am still worried - about you.
[There's tap marks at the start of the page, a clear sign he hadn't been sure of how to respond to her.]
A visceral way to describe a medical procedure, Neria. I'm not in the habit of tearing anyone open save my enemies. I would prefer you keep as much of her body intact, as possible.
[This is a gruesome conversation, and Jonathan isn't certain he'll be able to be so clinical when faced with a corpse that looks like Neria, but he can try. And maybe have Victor close to hand to assist with the procedure. The other man seems to ground him in the cold and clinical better than most.]
I'd like it if you would take some of that time off. Spend your time with Ereuvir or others, if it might please you. I'll be fine. Honestly, I'm surprised they did not do worse. I expected to spend at least a month in the People Zoo, if not more. Or be forced to carry out some humiliating and degrading public service. The antidote has eliminated the lingering sexual urges; though, I don't expect we can rely on it further. And I'm not feeling the urge toward submission quite as often. I expect I'll be restored to myself in little more than a month. They may try to cut us down and stop us. We shall simply need to become cleverer... and trust fewer people.
I can do all of it myself, if it would be easier for you. I can't explicitly promise I can initially keep her intact, though I'll heal her just fine. You have to understand that I wouldn't go down without a fight; neither will she. Your doppleganger still had full use of his abilities.
[ So it stands to reason that her own doppleganger will have the same. She already knows the quickest way to ensure she dies and stays dead but... Well, Neria has options, and she wonders if her clone wouldn't actually agree to being partially opened up if she wasn't murdered.
It's just going to depend on whether or not Neria feels particularly merciful. ]
Why would I take time off? Because I've had a few extra long days? There's work to be done here to be better prepared for what LIEs might do. You said it yourself: they might try to take us out in some manner, possibly one by one. I've moved the lab but I fear it's more vulnerable where it is because it doesn't have people around it the way Haven has. I'm going to be speaking to Tony about heightened security at both locations.
I thought they would see you in the zoo or in jail. [ There's more space here between the words, like she actually had to stop writing. ] I didn't think they'd take you somewhere and try to change you. I should have anticipated it, though. How else could they likely get you to stop?
This was a warning.
I don't disagree with you. We need to trust fewer people, not be quite so overt for a little while. We need to be more prepared, more clever.
[ She doesn't bother writing 'I'm sorry'. Jonathan knew the potential consequences of his actions. It doesn't make her feel any less like she's failed to keep him safe. ]
[Purely because he doesn't want to her have to do this on her own. However Neria might feel about her own self-worth, Jonathan would prefer she not grow comfortable with the notion of cutting herself open.]
As long as we ultimately have a good specimen to compare to, that should be sufficient.
Magnus may be able to set up a second portal in that area to facilitate escape from it, as well, if it's needed. But I think Mr. Stark's electronic surveillance should be of help. I can also ask Tim Drake about helping with that. He found and infiltrated our antidote preparation area some time ago, avoiding the security precautions we took there. He's very good at finding the holes in our network of defenses.
I do have some assurances, at least, that if they do not break in and claim us by force, there are ways to avoid having LIES take too much of our minds within the center. I lost my memory because Dr. Strange and I asked one of his companions, Dr. Charles Xavier, to temporarily remove our memories. If this should happen again, I am considering that it may be possible to have the memories of my time within the treatment center itself removed to completely eliminate any conditioning they forced upon me. It is not an alternative I'm keen on, but needs must. The same would be possible for yourself or others.
[ But not necessarily accepted. While Neria isn't in a hurry to go running off to kill her other self, she'll make no guarantees to tell Jonathan when she decides to do this. ]
I think it would be. I think now is the time for us to take every precaution we can manage, if only to try to keep one step ahead. I won't fool myself into believing we have slipped the lead for long or that we have outsmarted LIEs. We certainly can't overtake their resources, even if we can outmaneuver them for a time. I'd like for a better security system, especially with our help having disappeared and our numbers thinning. It might not be wise for us to flagrantly advertise just yet.
I didn't realize you'd had your memories locked away. It's a relief, at least, to know you didn't forget. It sounds like what they did was some kind of...behavior conditioning? I'm not certain if that will be erased when the memories are removed or stocked away, though I appreciate you looking into it.
Ivy was asking about you. How are you doing? Honestly.
[He knows her well enough now to read between the lines, but he doesn't press on the issue of her doppelganger. For now.]
I'll speak with young Mr. Drake, then.
Thankfully, Professor Xavier did recall the matter and sought me out to correct it. We shall see what he thinks of the idea. I'll keep you informed.
I thought you also might like to know that I spoke with Ms. Care. She's agreed to stop coming to Haven. AM apparently has the ability to infiltrate her mind at-will and simply know her thoughts and memories due to their connection as artificial beings. I've informed her she will be unable to take part in any of our sensitive work while she remains with him and that potential remains, and she agreed. She does want to keep seeing me, though. I feel it my duty to try to convince her to get away from that man and what he's done and continues to do to her. She insists she doesn't have other options, though. It is difficult to understand.
As for myself, I am slowly returning more to myself. But I'm not injured or particularly distressed. The fact that things were not worse disturbs me more, in truth. I am waiting for some other effect to take hold or for LIEs to spirit us away to a place like Fort Harmony again. I do not care to wait for our enemies to attack us. It is vexing and I would rather have done with the battle to come.
Fortunate indeed. You didn't write something like that down??
[ Jonathan.... ]
It is not your duty to convince her or to offer her alternatives. You are doing it out of the goodness of your heart. She is welcome to speak with anyone here about alternatives or to use the Dub app. You do not need to bind yourself to the role of savior. If you are choosing to help her, then that is your choice.
[ It's not that Hiling deserves less or that Neria feels she doesn't need help, but she does think that Hiling is taking advantage of Jonathan's kindness since he's the only one she's sought anything out from. And it's likely Hiling was well aware of what AM could do long, long before she volunteered, and simply didn't think about the consequences. Or considered AM's animosity. ]
It's difficult to wait for an enemy's attack. It's easy to grow restless. I understand. We should devote this time to preparations and begin to ease into looking for places we can exact change, little by little. I'm not speaking of diplomacy this time.
[ She's speaking, directly, of sabotage or murder. ]
I do think what happened to you was a warning. Not just for you but to all of us here at Haven. Ivy believes it was akin to emotional warfare, not necessarily a mental or physical one the way it could have been. Still, I'm glad you're recovering. If there's a change, please let Ivy or myself know so we can support you.
Neria, how well do you know AM? His villainy runs as deep as the hunger in my blood. Anyone trapped within his pull is someone I've a duty to save. So few see what he is. Or few have had chance to experience it. Even Lord Ignacio does not turn my stomach like this man. The thought of Ms. Care with his hand around her throat, keeping her close... it frightens me for her.
Where shall we begin, though? Consider me your sword, my friend. I cannot claim strategy as a mantle I wear well without some minor direction.
[It's not a thing he would readily admit to most people, but he needs some idea of what to do and where to go. He's been spinning his wheels rather useless in attempting to figure out the best course by himself. A colleague to bounce ideas back and forth with would help.]
These trackers that are in people. They don't seem to be LIEs' work, which leaves us with something of a dead end on that score.
Maker's breath, Jonathan. If you keep this up, you'll have more enemies than I do back home.
[ It's hard to tell via writing but it's a fond exasperation because... ]
I have never met AM. He seems devious at best and likely is monstrous at worst. The animosity he has towards you is concerning to me. I cannot imagine the things he's done to people who haven't your will. So yes, I share your concern about Hiling, but she has never struck me as incapable in her own way.
[ She doesn't know Hiling very well, either, but she has a hard time believing that if AM is as horrible as Jonathan claims - and she trusts he is - that Hiling doesn't have her own methods of survival and dealing with him. So far, she's never turned up broken. So Hiling is doing something to stay afloat. What that is, she isn't certain. ]
I don't want swords, Jonathan. I'm capable of fighting things on my own, you might recall? I don't send soldiers to fight while I sit back and watch.
[ This is the difficult part, where she doesn't know how much to let anyone in on, the struggle to lead while she has to delegate her troops, or the pain of knowing many might not make it back. ]
I feared as much. They still should be dealt with first. I wonder if their technology wouldn't be better served helping us, if we can convince them. And if we cannot, then other measures can be implemented. But the sorts of things they're doing... We could utilize them, under the right guidance.
[The words are sharp, pressed hard into the page. Then, the text changes back to Jonathan's usual hand, less vehemence.]
There was an incident on Patara. I responded to it later when a chance arose, and he has lived in fear of me and the powers I possess when there is no chain upon them ever since. We tangled at the Fort, as well. During the hunt. [It's about as vague as he can make it while still trying to convey some personal experience in the matter.] Hiling has told me of his abuses and I have seen some of the results of them. She should not have to simply survive that man. I know there are other things to focus on, but leaving her to him... it is unconscionable to me, however capable she might be, and whatever her strangeness and attitudes toward humans.
A warrior fights with a sword. My apologies for the confusion of metaphors. I want you by my side, Neria. I simply know you have better insight on certain things than I do.
You think we could use these trackers against LIEs, itself? Perhaps plant them on its own people? Monitor them as they monitor us?
[ An incident on Patara. It makes her blood run cold because she can imagine all sorts of things that could have happened then, as it had happened to her. Saber and Gilgamesh had brutalized her. To hear Jonathan suffered similar, found retribution, and then was attacked again just chills her to the bone. ]
I'm sorry, Jonathan. I did not know. I only ask that you are careful when it comes to him and Hiling. He will know you're helping her and will just use that to his advantage.
[ And she will discuss AM with Ivy. ]
I would prefer to be at your side as well. And yes, that is what I am implying: if we can get trackers into a few LIEs employees, we can perhaps gather information and monitor them as well. When the opportunity presents itself, we can find the time to strike.
Asra and Sinbad, back during Tumenalia, struck a LIEs building. No one was inside, likely because they anticipated their attack. With more discretion, we could catch them unawares.
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no subject
Date: 2019-05-08 07:27 pm (UTC)From:If she wants to leave him, I'll put her up myself somewhere. Plenty of people have been looking to partner with others, including Leonardo and Prompto. Both would be better partners to her than AM is. She has options. If she truly does not feel safe with AM and wishes to leave due to abuse, she can meet with the lawyers who can help bring her case. She has options that aren't Haven and aren't you. And won't compromise sensitive information.
Oh, did he? I must have missed him. I really wish I knew more people who were technologically inclined. I've ushered in more than enough people who are from worlds without the appliances we use now, and I am the biggest offender of such.
[ Thedas, after all, didn't have showers or water filters or security systems, nothing to be found even resembling such. ]
And I think Hotel Falsity would be an excellent place to secure for an evening for procedures. We can probably allocate funds to pay for a room should someone wish to meet someone there; I hadn't thought of that before now. Though I imagine such a meeting place would be rife with rather ulterior tones.
A shame we cannot have a more collaborative meeting teaching the nuance of subtext and subtlety to the people who could use some of it. I fear that they are the most vulnerable to exploitation from LIES, to be used either against them or others.
Likely, that is the point.
More likely, LIES is hoping we will splinter and turn against one another. Eat from our own and never be a cohesive force.
[ There are pen marks here too, two small circles, where clearly Neria was agitated and had likely wanted to elaborate further and chose against doing so. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-11 11:53 pm (UTC)From:I don't know if she will leave him, is part of the problem. She's likely seen the worst of him. I don't understand why she stays with him when I've offered to help her find someone else. Perhaps the first time was a misjudgment, but to renew her contract is insanity unless he threatened her, perhaps.
There was one device I found in the reception area. It doesn't appear to be anything like the one I found in Mr. Tepes. It was some sort of speaker, I think? I destroyed it, but we should have the security team make daily sweeps in case whoever planted it decides they want to try again.
I'll see if I can round up those who want checked and organize something like that with Dr. Devorak and the others who might be able to help.
I cannot see any other way for out group to go, though, Neria. Truthfully. At least in some respects. There are people here who are demonstrably evil. And there are those who are selfish enough to work only for their own personal ends. Splintering will have to happen. Hopefully it will only be a few stray people here and there, but we must be prepared for a time when some of the people in this program begin to more actively work against us.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-14 05:06 am (UTC)From:But in the end, Jonathan, Hiling's trouble is not yours to take on. It is hers to deal with. If her presence is going to threaten our work, she can be served outside of Haven. And, again, not necessarily by you.
I'll speak with Jester and Cullen. I'd like Zexion to keep an eye on such things as well. His prowess and strengths lend themselves to find hidden things obscured from view.
There will always be people on the outskirts who will be trouble. We will need to identify and keep an eye on them one way or another. And I agree with you; we must be vigilant and prepare ourselves should the worst happen. Whatever it takes, we must protect the people of this city until we find a way to free ourselves, however that may be.
That is why I am working with Will and why I have chosen to stay working with them in particular. Ignacio, Rafa, and Cable are also remaining to work on this endeavor. I will be able to see who is angling for power and influence, and see what I can do to ensure their efforts remain altruistic towards the people. If they are not, I shall rectify that.
cw: mentions of domestic abuse
Date: 2019-05-16 05:00 am (UTC)From:I have seen women stay with men who mistreat them either out of a twisted sense of love and devotion, fear, or some combination of the two. It is unhealthy and there is little rationality behind it. I do not know that that is necessarily the case with Ms. Care as that is an area outside my own expertise, but it is one possibility for the situation.
[And the one that's most generous to Hiling and her motives. Although, the way she'd been talking about humans... perhaps he shouldn't be so generous.]
There was a moment with her that was a bit strange, though. It was when we were working on the antidote. She came to help, and I was attempting to distract her from some discomfort with conversation. She said something about humans being unable to see past their own short lifespans and do as they're told. I don't know if that's her or more of AM's influence on her.
I don't mind tending to her, honestly. She can be very forceful in her affections. That's not something I particularly want to inflict on anyone else, either.
I did see the results of your efforts with Mr. Graham and the others. I cannot say I feel particularly warm towards Rafa's digs at every other method. It is certainly a useful front for LIEs, but with him, I know it is not only a front. His barbs are more irritating, not least because I do find him an agreeable man, otherwise. Perhaps another vessel to deliver the results of your next effort? You may have seen the message agitated several in our community. There will, of course, be friction between those who prefer slow and steady and those who wish to take a faster way, but there are more diplomatic ways to approach that divide, I imagine. But I'll leave that to the diplomats. I'm afraid I don't have the patience for it all. I'm glad you're there, though. It gives me peace of mind.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-17 12:53 am (UTC)From:Rafa has his opinions. He isn't wrong in some measures. I do know that our work rankled people in the community and I suspect it will continue to do so for some time. It's a shame but this is the tightrope we will need to walk. I do not anticipate that our efforts will be welcomed or accepted until we produce real results. Until then, I will do what I can. I'm sorry that I cannot promise more.
[ There is a small ink stain here where it is clear Neria contemplated several times whether she wanted to continue or if she wanted to leave it there. But considering this message has taken a few days to come back to Jonathan, it can be said that some thing has been weighing on her mind.
Or she's been busy. Either way-- ]
Forgive me, this might sound existential in nature. But what do you think we're doing here, Jonathan?
I know what LIES tells us. The experiment. In September, I will have been here a year. They say it takes a year for these results to come in but there has been no indication if this means I will be released from the program or sent home. I've given up hope of such a thing. But so then I have to wonder...what are we doing here? Are we here to stay, to live? Are we meant to succumb to this darkness they want us to surrender to?
Is this all that's left for us?
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Date: 2019-05-22 04:59 am (UTC)From:Likewise, Rafa is becoming a bit of a thorn for Jonathan. He still values the man and considers him polite company when compared do any number of other vampires. He lets those matters lie in the conversation, focusing on the rest of her message.]
By LIEs' and the government's estimation, I expect that they would like us to stay, integrate into this society and act as full natives to it, serving as some docile example populations to new people brought in that life in Duplicity is clearly one that they can come to accept and enjoy.
I do not believe that they will willingly send us home. I have my doubts that those who disappear from this place are being sent back. More likely they've been selected for even more heinous experimentation. That may explain why different versions of the same person may appear, such as Dr. Devorak. Or perhaps his memory of his time here was altered or removed.
I do not personally believe that is all that might be left for us, though. We are attempting to find a way out. We are working to change this place to better suit not only our needs, but those of the native Submissives. I believe, ultimately, those of us who persevere, will find a way to escape to our own worlds and will leave Duplicity a far better place than we found it. Whether through legislation, revolution, or some combination of the two.
You will forgive me such an optimistic viewpoint, my friend, but I've no intention of simply embracing whatever foul things they wish us to. We are stronger than that. And I have faith that you and I, along with many others have the mettle to prove that to them time and time again, even if their magics or science affect us so terribly. That is not us, it is what they do to us, after all. It is well to remember that, Neria.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-23 11:19 pm (UTC)From:Do you remember[ That part is crossed out. Neria continues from there. ]
Yes, I believe they will not send us home. They might not even know how. More likely, they will choose not to. They'll continue to study us for the rest of our lives here in Duplicity to see how we adapt. But they have no intention of trying to help us. That much is obvious. And I agree that those who have come and gone are likely still here and being held.
[ The thought is troubling. There is another set of marks on the page, where she has been tapping the pen into the paper, likely in agitation. ]
I know that what you say is true. And I know that what they do to us is their fault; it is what they put upon us. But I do think we each have a predisposition for darkness. What we do with it, however, is our choice. I hope that the people in this city are as hopeful and as strong as you are, Jonathan, that they do not succumb to the knell.
I believe you are right about revolution. I guarantee you there will be one in September when the first of our group has finished their time here, when we are at the end of our usefulness. Then, we will know how this will unfold going forward.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-26 02:36 am (UTC)From:I think some are more pre-disposed toward a certain sort of darkness. Certainly, the heart cannot be something of pure light. They want to draw those specific darknesses out of us. Do you remember the doppelgangers? The ones on that camera site? We were made to say what they considered our worst trait to be. And again, those injections at Fort Harmony. Even past the hunt and the chase, they changed us. I was arrogant, I think. Overly so.
I value my own mind and I know I can be very confident. LIEs seems to want to twist us to bring to the fore all the worst parts of such things. Confidence and manners might be seen by some as hubris if pressed beyond my personal boundaries.
Do you see them doing something with that beyond their current experiments? I simply cannot see what it might be.
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Date: 2019-05-26 03:23 am (UTC)From:Because when we're being destructive towards our own ends, we get things like Fort Harmony.
[ And it will continue like that, she thinks. Right now, LIEs has made it clear that they wield more power and the ability to cut them off from their magics, to change them fundamentally. To reduce a vampire to human, to expose someone's monstrous pieces, or to bring a god to his knees.
It still burns her inside. ]
Your doppleganger was very arrogant. He prided himself as being untouchable, being master of himself. If you took even that and heightened it...
[ She loves Jonathan dearly but that sort of person would be spiteful, unkind, lacking all of the warmth that he has. ]
I don't know. I wish I knew what this Deceit gene specifically did, what they're hoping to accomplish by finding someone without it. As it stands, it wouldn't be completely far-fetched if all they're looking to do with us is see how we behave and change us as they see fit. It's a poor excuse for an experiment.
Perhaps at the end of our year, no matter that they say we'll be 'released' from the program, they might add more stipulations.
Worse, I sometimes fear that we are constructs just as our dopplegangers were. That we are easy to break and reshape to their needs. Scrub our minds of memories and send us back out here again and again, see if we'll repeat our mistakes or do something else. That's what Asra feared, months ago. I cannot say I do not harbor the same thoughts.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-31 04:07 am (UTC)From:What evidence do you have for this construct theory? Simply that they're able to control us so readily? I would attribute that to magic or some science, truly, before I assumed we were not ourselves. How might that even work? We all come through that portal.
I should be more concerned that the general populace are constructs with how easily they can be vanished away. I spoke with Zexion about such things in his world and he thought that it might be possible with a large group of mages, but even that would be a challenge.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-31 09:32 pm (UTC)From:Do we all come through that portal? What if we came elsewhere? What if they created us from the memories of who we were before? What if everything about us is made up?
Asra, Cehd'ra, and I... We chased Cehd'ra's doppleganger. Found him in an old warehouse. He felt everything Cehd'ra did, had all of his memories, knew everything. Craved all of the wants and desires he felt. He wept, believing he would be alone, that we would walk away and leave him in that horrible room where people watched him like he was some kind of object. Or some kind of whore.
I touched your doppleganger, Jonathan. I struck at him and Rip's. I encountered my own. They were living, breathing things. They have been appearing every time someone new comes. How can LIEs do that? How can they make such perfect copies if we, ourselves, were not also copies of someone who might exist elsewhere?
And Zexion is right; such a thing is nearly impossible. I worry that the people here are not real either. But we've seen them die. We've seen many people die, have killed them ourselves at the Fort. So I don't know what the explanation is. I worry that the answer will find will be worse than I imagine.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-02 01:27 am (UTC)From:Remember also that the man you touched vanished with only a word. Some of them might have been killed and are copies, but there must be some magic at work where they are concerned. A confusion of the senses? Why else would a single word be enough to remove them? They may be like the natives here, but even that I would question. I know I said they might be constructs, but we've treated these people, Neria. We've looked inside of them, stitched them up. Whatever they are, I believe they're real.
The doppelgangers? I'm still uncertain. Perhaps if we could conduct and autopsy on one of them, compare them to the person they're meant to represent, that would provide us with more information to determine if they are real or not.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-02 02:57 am (UTC)From:But I know your doppleganger bled, as did Rip's. I felt something there when I used magic on him. So perhaps we're only perceiving them as ourselves? Some sort of illusion work, maybe, but that doesn't explain how they react.
[ More pen tapping marks. Someone was thinking rather hard about the suggestion. ]
That's an idea to consider.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-05 02:30 am (UTC)From:An idea I would be willing to consider and explore with you, Neria. I'm a surgeon. Surgery and autopsy are within my particular purview. I only wish I had not disappeared my own doppelganger.
How are you? The staff told me you were working far more over the past few days. Staying far too late at Haven. I hope my absence did not disrupt the rotation to such a degree. My apologies if it did.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-05 02:40 am (UTC)From:[ That's...it. That's all that's on the page. It's such a deliberate, singular statement that it comes across rather abruptly and almost cold. And dramatic.
On the following page, she continues to answer his questions. ]
It was no trouble, Jonathan. I stayed here to look after our workers here. Our family. That's my duty as an administrator and simply who I am. It didn't upset me to be here; it didn't disrupt my schedule. I have quite a bit of paid time off accrued.
I'm fine. I was worried - and am still worried - about you.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-08 05:20 pm (UTC)From:A visceral way to describe a medical procedure, Neria. I'm not in the habit of tearing anyone open save my enemies. I would prefer you keep as much of her body intact, as possible.
[This is a gruesome conversation, and Jonathan isn't certain he'll be able to be so clinical when faced with a corpse that looks like Neria, but he can try. And maybe have Victor close to hand to assist with the procedure. The other man seems to ground him in the cold and clinical better than most.]
I'd like it if you would take some of that time off. Spend your time with Ereuvir or others, if it might please you. I'll be fine. Honestly, I'm surprised they did not do worse. I expected to spend at least a month in the People Zoo, if not more. Or be forced to carry out some humiliating and degrading public service. The antidote has eliminated the lingering sexual urges; though, I don't expect we can rely on it further. And I'm not feeling the urge toward submission quite as often. I expect I'll be restored to myself in little more than a month. They may try to cut us down and stop us. We shall simply need to become cleverer... and trust fewer people.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-08 06:31 pm (UTC)From:[ So it stands to reason that her own doppleganger will have the same. She already knows the quickest way to ensure she dies and stays dead but... Well, Neria has options, and she wonders if her clone wouldn't actually agree to being partially opened up if she wasn't murdered.
It's just going to depend on whether or not Neria feels particularly merciful. ]
Why would I take time off? Because I've had a few extra long days? There's work to be done here to be better prepared for what LIEs might do. You said it yourself: they might try to take us out in some manner, possibly one by one. I've moved the lab but I fear it's more vulnerable where it is because it doesn't have people around it the way Haven has. I'm going to be speaking to Tony about heightened security at both locations.
I thought they would see you in the zoo or in jail. [ There's more space here between the words, like she actually had to stop writing. ] I didn't think they'd take you somewhere and try to change you. I should have anticipated it, though. How else could they likely get you to stop?
This was a warning.
I don't disagree with you. We need to trust fewer people, not be quite so overt for a little while. We need to be more prepared, more clever.
[ She doesn't bother writing 'I'm sorry'. Jonathan knew the potential consequences of his actions. It doesn't make her feel any less like she's failed to keep him safe. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-13 10:25 pm (UTC)From:[Purely because he doesn't want to her have to do this on her own. However Neria might feel about her own self-worth, Jonathan would prefer she not grow comfortable with the notion of cutting herself open.]
As long as we ultimately have a good specimen to compare to, that should be sufficient.
Magnus may be able to set up a second portal in that area to facilitate escape from it, as well, if it's needed. But I think Mr. Stark's electronic surveillance should be of help. I can also ask Tim Drake about helping with that. He found and infiltrated our antidote preparation area some time ago, avoiding the security precautions we took there. He's very good at finding the holes in our network of defenses.
I do have some assurances, at least, that if they do not break in and claim us by force, there are ways to avoid having LIES take too much of our minds within the center. I lost my memory because Dr. Strange and I asked one of his companions, Dr. Charles Xavier, to temporarily remove our memories. If this should happen again, I am considering that it may be possible to have the memories of my time within the treatment center itself removed to completely eliminate any conditioning they forced upon me. It is not an alternative I'm keen on, but needs must. The same would be possible for yourself or others.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-18 09:24 pm (UTC)From:[ But not necessarily accepted. While Neria isn't in a hurry to go running off to kill her other self, she'll make no guarantees to tell Jonathan when she decides to do this. ]
I think it would be. I think now is the time for us to take every precaution we can manage, if only to try to keep one step ahead. I won't fool myself into believing we have slipped the lead for long or that we have outsmarted LIEs. We certainly can't overtake their resources, even if we can outmaneuver them for a time. I'd like for a better security system, especially with our help having disappeared and our numbers thinning. It might not be wise for us to flagrantly advertise just yet.
I didn't realize you'd had your memories locked away. It's a relief, at least, to know you didn't forget. It sounds like what they did was some kind of...behavior conditioning? I'm not certain if that will be erased when the memories are removed or stocked away, though I appreciate you looking into it.
Ivy was asking about you. How are you doing? Honestly.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-20 04:33 pm (UTC)From:I'll speak with young Mr. Drake, then.
Thankfully, Professor Xavier did recall the matter and sought me out to correct it. We shall see what he thinks of the idea. I'll keep you informed.
I thought you also might like to know that I spoke with Ms. Care. She's agreed to stop coming to Haven. AM apparently has the ability to infiltrate her mind at-will and simply know her thoughts and memories due to their connection as artificial beings. I've informed her she will be unable to take part in any of our sensitive work while she remains with him and that potential remains, and she agreed. She does want to keep seeing me, though. I feel it my duty to try to convince her to get away from that man and what he's done and continues to do to her. She insists she doesn't have other options, though. It is difficult to understand.
As for myself, I am slowly returning more to myself. But I'm not injured or particularly distressed. The fact that things were not worse disturbs me more, in truth. I am waiting for some other effect to take hold or for LIEs to spirit us away to a place like Fort Harmony again. I do not care to wait for our enemies to attack us. It is vexing and I would rather have done with the battle to come.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-21 02:26 pm (UTC)From:[ Jonathan.... ]
It is not your duty to convince her or to offer her alternatives. You are doing it out of the goodness of your heart. She is welcome to speak with anyone here about alternatives or to use the Dub app. You do not need to bind yourself to the role of savior. If you are choosing to help her, then that is your choice.
[ It's not that Hiling deserves less or that Neria feels she doesn't need help, but she does think that Hiling is taking advantage of Jonathan's kindness since he's the only one she's sought anything out from. And it's likely Hiling was well aware of what AM could do long, long before she volunteered, and simply didn't think about the consequences. Or considered AM's animosity. ]
It's difficult to wait for an enemy's attack. It's easy to grow restless. I understand. We should devote this time to preparations and begin to ease into looking for places we can exact change, little by little. I'm not speaking of diplomacy this time.
[ She's speaking, directly, of sabotage or murder. ]
I do think what happened to you was a warning. Not just for you but to all of us here at Haven. Ivy believes it was akin to emotional warfare, not necessarily a mental or physical one the way it could have been. Still, I'm glad you're recovering. If there's a change, please let Ivy or myself know so we can support you.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-21 03:04 pm (UTC)From:Neria, how well do you know AM? His villainy runs as deep as the hunger in my blood. Anyone trapped within his pull is someone I've a duty to save. So few see what he is. Or few have had chance to experience it. Even Lord Ignacio does not turn my stomach like this man. The thought of Ms. Care with his hand around her throat, keeping her close... it frightens me for her.
Where shall we begin, though? Consider me your sword, my friend. I cannot claim strategy as a mantle I wear well without some minor direction.
[It's not a thing he would readily admit to most people, but he needs some idea of what to do and where to go. He's been spinning his wheels rather useless in attempting to figure out the best course by himself. A colleague to bounce ideas back and forth with would help.]
These trackers that are in people. They don't seem to be LIEs' work, which leaves us with something of a dead end on that score.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-21 03:22 pm (UTC)From:[ It's hard to tell via writing but it's a fond exasperation because... ]
I have never met AM. He seems devious at best and likely is monstrous at worst. The animosity he has towards you is concerning to me. I cannot imagine the things he's done to people who haven't your will. So yes, I share your concern about Hiling, but she has never struck me as incapable in her own way.
[ She doesn't know Hiling very well, either, but she has a hard time believing that if AM is as horrible as Jonathan claims - and she trusts he is - that Hiling doesn't have her own methods of survival and dealing with him. So far, she's never turned up broken. So Hiling is doing something to stay afloat. What that is, she isn't certain. ]
I don't want swords, Jonathan. I'm capable of fighting things on my own, you might recall? I don't send soldiers to fight while I sit back and watch.
[ This is the difficult part, where she doesn't know how much to let anyone in on, the struggle to lead while she has to delegate her troops, or the pain of knowing many might not make it back. ]
I feared as much. They still should be dealt with first. I wonder if their technology wouldn't be better served helping us, if we can convince them. And if we cannot, then other measures can be implemented. But the sorts of things they're doing... We could utilize them, under the right guidance.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-21 03:37 pm (UTC)From:[The words are sharp, pressed hard into the page. Then, the text changes back to Jonathan's usual hand, less vehemence.]
There was an incident on Patara. I responded to it later when a chance arose, and he has lived in fear of me and the powers I possess when there is no chain upon them ever since. We tangled at the Fort, as well. During the hunt. [It's about as vague as he can make it while still trying to convey some personal experience in the matter.] Hiling has told me of his abuses and I have seen some of the results of them. She should not have to simply survive that man. I know there are other things to focus on, but leaving her to him... it is unconscionable to me, however capable she might be, and whatever her strangeness and attitudes toward humans.
A warrior fights with a sword. My apologies for the confusion of metaphors. I want you by my side, Neria. I simply know you have better insight on certain things than I do.
You think we could use these trackers against LIEs, itself? Perhaps plant them on its own people? Monitor them as they monitor us?
no subject
Date: 2019-06-21 04:13 pm (UTC)From:I'm sorry, Jonathan. I did not know. I only ask that you are careful when it comes to him and Hiling. He will know you're helping her and will just use that to his advantage.
[ And she will discuss AM with Ivy. ]
I would prefer to be at your side as well. And yes, that is what I am implying: if we can get trackers into a few LIEs employees, we can perhaps gather information and monitor them as well. When the opportunity presents itself, we can find the time to strike.
Asra and Sinbad, back during Tumenalia, struck a LIEs building. No one was inside, likely because they anticipated their attack. With more discretion, we could catch them unawares.
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