[ A passing moment of frustration hits him where he wants to tell Jonathan that it isn't that. He feels fine. Except it isn't fine and he doesn't know what he's dealing with after all. ]
Nothing. I just- I might be having hallucinations? I'm not sure.
[That definitely sounds like a hallucination to his skeptic's mind.]
I assume these are people you know, Mr. Stark? Are they currently in the room with you? Perhaps you could turn on the video and I could at least confirm there is not a physical presence for you.
[He's reporting it sensibly enough because he does hallucinate. One of the side effects of changing his biology, and it's definitely a possibility to Tony. He mumbles into the phone, dejected.]
No, it was... just a voice. They've been in the room before, but not this time. I don't know, doctor. I- I've heard him, but this time he should really be here.
[He would have thought that, but it turned out last time that the hallucinations actually had an external cause and Tony assumes this is just another incident he can fix. It's not his shattered mental state, surely.]
No. No, I'm fine! I feel fine. I just- I'm upset, but that's because he said- He told me-
You're upset, but you're fine? Mr. Stark, I don't believe you've been overtaken by madness, but that does not preclude some emotionally compromised state due to what sounds like stress. What did this person tell you? Perhaps it might offer some insight into your state of mind.
I'll be there in a few minutes, Mr. Stark. Please try to relax. [I can help you with that, Jonathan thinks, but doesn't offer. He's not certain his mesmerism would work across a network screen.] When did you start hearing this man?
You say you've heard him before, but the most recent bout of it.
[This is touching on medical information that Tony knows he probably shouldn't just share, but he's desperate and scared and short on options. He has to share if he wants to be sure it's not another episode.]
I... About a year ago now. It's not- I did an experiment a while ago, before I came here. Hearing things is- a side effect. It's getting better.
[Except having that talk with Steve is way too close to home. He isn't sure he can trust that.]
I haven't had an episode since I got here.
[Because he hasn't had to think of Steve in that much detail.]
[He laughs a short, aborted laugh, which comes out shakily in his shaken state.]
I don't think it'll be something your tests will pick up on. It- If that's the reason this is happening, I'll handle it. I just want to know if this is anything else.
It would seem to be real enough, sir. Whether it's some physical manifestation, psychosis, or another medical condition would seem to be the question. It's best not to discount the importance of any of those.
I'm just stepping out of the main lift to the Up. I'll be there in five minutes. What tests were you interested in having me run? I can, of course, check your blood for any abnormalities.
[Tony needs an actual therapist, but he left his back home and has given up on that for the time being. Which means he's making a lot of reckless, stupid choices.]
No. I- I was the one he was fighting when it happened. We were in the middle of a conflict that- It's hard to explain. A lot of people got involved and we didn't agree on how to deal with that.
'Should have' and 'supposed to,' meaning you did not have the appropriate information at your disposal to make some sort of decision? Or do something? Was this information readily available to you? Was it communicated to you in a timely manner? Were there barriers of any kind to it reaching you appropriately?
Reflecting on one's actions can be useful in determining how to better face challenges in the future, sir. But look kindly upon the man you were who did not have the information or the particular mental space that you do now. It's pointless to agonize over things you cannot change.
[Maybe talking it out would have been the best decision. He's starting to see that now, but it doesn't hurt to get Jonathan to check his blood just in case. If it's something external, he wants to know.]
I'm the one who was responsible. They counted on me to make the right choice.
It was the right thing to do. I needed to do it. We needed a government sanctioned group to make sure people could trust people with powers again. And- it just went wrong. That wasn't what I wanted for him. But I was fighting heroes to save heroes. It was my choice.
Something intended to be good did not work out as planned? The world does not follow our neat lines, Mr. Stark. Holding yourself responsible for that fact is holding yourself upon the precipice of madness. You cannot control everything. That does not mean you can control nothing. But again, I would ask you to look upon your past self with kinder eyes and a clearer mind.
This person you're seeing and hearing, he's forgiven you for whatever happened?
We fought because I was trying to arrest him. And the others. Having loose superpowers running around was causing a public outcry against everyone that might have been dangerous, and I did control it. I'm the one responsible for keeping world peace. That's my job. He forgave me because that's just the kind of man he is, whether I'm imagining it or not. He trusted me.
You killed him in battle, then, not cold blood. And in service of what sounds, objectively, to be a reasonable cause. Certainly reasonable at the time and in the moment. If he is merely a figment of your own imagination, could it be possible this is your own subconscious' way of asking you to forgive yourself and move on with your life?
[It's all very... pseudo-science in Jonathan's mind, but he'd trying.]
[Calling this mental stress is far from what Tony wants to consider true, but Jonathan does have a point. Especially when he's a doctor and not a psychiatrist. If even he thinks Tony is just dwelling on the past, then could it just be in his head?]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 01:06 pm (UTC)From:[ A passing moment of frustration hits him where he wants to tell Jonathan that it isn't that. He feels fine. Except it isn't fine and he doesn't know what he's dealing with after all. ]
Nothing. I just- I might be having hallucinations? I'm not sure.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 08:35 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 03:39 am (UTC)From:[What are they of? Well, he's not sure how to answer that.]
If this is real, then I'm seeing ghosts.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 02:23 am (UTC)From:I assume these are people you know, Mr. Stark? Are they currently in the room with you? Perhaps you could turn on the video and I could at least confirm there is not a physical presence for you.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 02:39 am (UTC)From:No, it was... just a voice. They've been in the room before, but not this time. I don't know, doctor. I- I've heard him, but this time he should really be here.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 05:22 pm (UTC)From:Tell me, Mr. Stark, how would you describe your mood of late? Melancholy, perhaps?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-13 04:51 am (UTC)From:No. No, I'm fine! I feel fine. I just- I'm upset, but that's because he said- He told me-
It's not my mood. I'm not crazy.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-13 06:08 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-04-15 03:07 am (UTC)From:[Well, so much for being convincing on that one. Good job, Tony.]
I- Look, can you just run some tests for me? I'd ask for a programmer, but I don't have that option.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-15 10:51 pm (UTC)From:You say you've heard him before, but the most recent bout of it.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-17 07:03 am (UTC)From:I... About a year ago now. It's not- I did an experiment a while ago, before I came here. Hearing things is- a side effect. It's getting better.
[Except having that talk with Steve is way too close to home. He isn't sure he can trust that.]
I haven't had an episode since I got here.
[Because he hasn't had to think of Steve in that much detail.]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-18 02:45 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-04-19 01:57 pm (UTC)From:I don't think it'll be something your tests will pick up on. It- If that's the reason this is happening, I'll handle it. I just want to know if this is anything else.
If it's real.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-20 07:30 pm (UTC)From:I'm just stepping out of the main lift to the Up. I'll be there in five minutes. What tests were you interested in having me run? I can, of course, check your blood for any abnormalities.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-23 03:59 am (UTC)From:[And the most likely issue would be his body trying to process a bunch of new information, but he can't guarantee that either.]
I don't know. He said- He said it was fine. That it wasn't my fault. But he's wrong.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 03:58 am (UTC)From:[Tony would probably have a better time with an actual therapist.]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 04:09 am (UTC)From:No. I- I was the one he was fighting when it happened. We were in the middle of a conflict that- It's hard to explain. A lot of people got involved and we didn't agree on how to deal with that.
I should have known. I was supposed to know.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 04:30 am (UTC)From:Reflecting on one's actions can be useful in determining how to better face challenges in the future, sir. But look kindly upon the man you were who did not have the information or the particular mental space that you do now. It's pointless to agonize over things you cannot change.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 04:42 am (UTC)From:[Maybe talking it out would have been the best decision. He's starting to see that now, but it doesn't hurt to get Jonathan to check his blood just in case. If it's something external, he wants to know.]
I'm the one who was responsible. They counted on me to make the right choice.
[That might have been putting a lot on him.]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 04:45 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 04:50 am (UTC)From:[Yup. He's nauseous thinking of it now.]
It was the right thing to do. I needed to do it. We needed a government sanctioned group to make sure people could trust people with powers again. And- it just went wrong. That wasn't what I wanted for him. But I was fighting heroes to save heroes. It was my choice.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 04:59 am (UTC)From:This person you're seeing and hearing, he's forgiven you for whatever happened?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-26 02:49 am (UTC)From:[That comes out with sudden, bitter venom.]
We fought because I was trying to arrest him. And the others. Having loose superpowers running around was causing a public outcry against everyone that might have been dangerous, and I did control it. I'm the one responsible for keeping world peace. That's my job. He forgave me because that's just the kind of man he is, whether I'm imagining it or not. He trusted me.
[Whew. He got a lot off of his chest there.]
I didn't think I'd see him again.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-26 03:46 pm (UTC)From:[It's all very... pseudo-science in Jonathan's mind, but he'd trying.]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-27 10:32 pm (UTC)From:I... I don't know. Maybe.
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